Deep night thoughts

Actually I had always wanted and prefer being alone n single.

But recently all..rly is every single one ard me is dating or married.

Makes me feel Abit lonely n also perplexed.

Why would ppl want to be dating when being single is so good.

I am really enjoying being single all the time.

It was always people who confess Ed to me and me rejecting them or after dating awhile I just intiated breakup as I rly find dating no fun.

I don't like reporting to anyone my whereabouts and my schedule for the day or sharing my feelings.

It has been tat way since I was born.

Even towards my family I don't share or talk to them everyday.

Meetups wif friends and colleagues are what I don't like not because I personally don't like them..

Just that I feel talking n chatting Abit tiring.

So normally I jus listen.

But these days I think I did tried hard to improve on this.

So I begin to meet people more, connect with people more.

I begin to envy ppl dating as they will have q more place to hide to when I dun wish to stay hm faced my dad after quarreling.

I had no problems speaking to guys till a certain point of time..that I dread talking with them...

Which is in secondary school.

I will always have this mindset of if I get too close with them, they might like me and I don't want things to get awkward because I dun like them..

Started to Google why I feel that way.

And I feel the below text seems to be what I felt most innerly.

I know that I don't love myself. And had always felt inferior to others. So that's why I find it hard to start a relationship.