今日份开心

 

Today was actually my line wfo schedule

And actually had bought egg rolls for my lunch preparing to eat in alone

But I was surprised by my colleagues

They actually came in..

And they said have some meetings so need to be in.

Then endup is they came in specially for my really advance birthday celebration

And went to have lunch at shopping mall next to our office.

When actually I last night jus mention I Abit crave for kimchi soup.

Then tdy went to eat.

At Seoul yummy

They have a lunch value set so is quite cheap at $11.90

The taste is to my liking.

But their ice lemon tea is Abit too sweet for me that comes wif the value set meal 

Then ytd receive a handwritten bdae card from my insurance agent with movie tickets as per usual.

But nevertheless was still a pleasant surprise and present for me.

Personally text my agent my thanks 🙂

I was like talking to my colleague and suddenly my other colleague came behind me and talk to me..

And I turn ard..

She was carrying a cake..

I froze like 2sec

Mind thinking wats going on? Who is it fr?

Then like oh it is my bdae nex wk.

So funny

This is also one thing that keep me here so long in this company.

My colleagues are rly heart warming ppl.

But this year is slightly different..

With 3 colleague s who resign and left my company.

But rly glad the new replacement click well wif us.

Cause of recent events that happen..

This rly warms my heart.

Thank you for specially coming in office to celebrate my bdae when they are actually on wfh schedule today.

Oya...slight update...

Till tdy, I still can't seem to cry...

But I had accept that all wounds will take time to heal.

I believe I will be able to find back my ability to get over everything and find back my tears!

When I had so many warm people around me.

今日分享

不要把时间浪费在一些不三不四，

不明不白，

不痛不痒的人身上，

因为这很不值。

当你决定不再在乎的时候，

生活就好起来了，

该吃吃，该喝喝，破事不往心里搁。

该走走，该留留，劳资一律不强求。 ​​​

Second week

Second week after my ordeal.

These days my heart always had a sound speaking to me : You don't deserve to be loved.

As if reminding me not be be foolish again.

What a joke that I had made myself when I tried to believe in love and someone will love me.

Till today....I am still not able to cry...

I had already long accepted that I had been lied to..

That I am the biggest fool to be cheated.

Why am I still not able to cry out....

Frustrated.

Daily updates to my life

After reporting my case..

While waiting for the IO to get back to me...

Day by day passes...2nd day so far...

My friend had been checking up on me daily.

To verify if I am still alive n doing well..

But I think I am at a stage of experiencing emotional numbness now.

I can't cry these days...

I don't feel sad or angry or frustrated at all.

Wonder if it is a gd thing to feel this way throughout this whole scamming ordeal not...

Even lose interest in watching my fave variety n dramas for this week...

Just continue working...and at nite slp...then insomnia one day and the next day slept alot..and insomnia the nex day agn..

Not much appetite also and will dry vomited few times daily...

Jus hope everything will ends soon.

And hope I can get back to my old self agn.

Making police report

So yesterday, I went to make police report accompany by my most trusted friend.

And thought police are there to protect citizens and will be like a friendly beings.

Actually not totally.

While I was talking to a policeman about the whole incident.

At some point, he make me feel like I am a criminal from a victim.

But I think it was their job as they can't rly trust anyone who make a report is a gd person to start with. They are law enforcement staff and not customers service front desk.

But still I do admit I am stupidest person who actually sense that that guy is trying to cheat my money right in the beginning yet I still go ahead with it as I wanted to trust him.

So endup after I get cheated of my money and I still might be penalised in the end...

But I am surprised that throughout the whole ordeal and events, I had not yet shed any tears.

For someone who is a crybaby and emotional being..

My mood is calm like one before the storm.

I don't feel sadness, disappointed, angry or scared anymore...

Abit resigned to fate kind of things.

And these days when I see my parents at home..

Don't know why, I feel pitiful for them..

To have a daughter being scam and endup in this plights currently

Jus waiting for the result to mark an end of this whole thing.

In the past, I rly didn't think I will encounter such thing or I will fall into such things..

These days...I feel that I can't lift my head high up anymore.... I feel like I am guilty and I am a criminal....

And worst thing is I can still smile n talk to my acquaintance like nothing happen

But I will not have any appetite and yet dry vomit several times a day

Is it the beginning of my mental breaking down finally?

Online dating scam

Finally had been proven it was a scam.

Though from start,my whole body cells is telling me this is a scam.

Don't know why I still want to prove my instinct I am wrong 

Guess it is wrong to try to prove yourself wrong in the beginning.

Consequences: 

4k of mine lost

1k of my innocent friend lost 

5.1k of that scam guy (will prove he is a scam after tml I talk to him)

Lesson learnt: 

1. Don't ever do anything you don't feel comfortable with. 

2. Don't ever trust people easily.

3. Trust your instincts as they will protect you when they sense that you are in danger.

4. Talk this out to your most trusted friend if you find it hard to tell your family.

5. Face it bravely and report to police to stop this guy from harming other people online.

For me, I am very lucky that I have a friend to accompany me through this.

This make me feel more braver!

After this ordeal, I am going to delete my tinder app.

And go back to my hermit lifestyle 

Know no one and be hurt by no one.

Let's be alone and continue saving money for my single flat in 5year time.

Everyone out there be aware of online dating app scam! 

Scared of being disappointed

Met a guy online.

Then he ask me go do something that I rly don't like n feel discomfortable.

But still do it le..

And ytd nite happen something. And my money of 2k is stuck in a app.

My whole mind and cell is telling me,

He is a scam and bad guy.

Bt still he is contacting me today through msg..

I hope he is not wat I think of.

But scared after the call tonight

It will reveal to me he is a bad guy like what I had expected in my heart.

Scared of being disappointed.

But at least this 2k will teach me a lesson that I will never forget.

Amazed that I can still slp soundly after that event last nite.

And today wakeup still went to my colleague hse for his hsewarming party..

And I am still able to play ard n laughed wif them.

Mayb in my heart I had alr accepted this 2k of mine is lost along with my hopes in him as a friend.

N my long time friend tdy also msg me of an online scam article..which make my heart sank even mre..don't even know how to reply her.

I guess I will keep this whole thing buried in my heart and my blog forever.

But I can't keep escaping from learning the truth right? Rly dun feel like responding to his call tonite.

Or should I call him tml ?

Does anyone out there had such feeling before?

Dating app

Since last Saturday... Till today ...

Though it has just been less than a week.

It feels like 10years to me.

All because of a rash decision

Went to try tinder app.

I only just set up my account for few days..

Select nope for almost all options. I only give likes to less than 5 guys.

And it matches...

I am like...this guy's all pictures like Korean stars.. also can match with me..esp wif my looks

So at first just started chatting to a guy..

At first the msg were vry lil. 1 msg per day kind.

Till he new yr eve , he n me exchanged watsapp..

Then everything changes.

Didn't know he will msg so many morning, afternoon dinner...

And he starting asking me new year day come out lunch.

Bt I rejected saying I gt plans wif family on Sunday.

I am like jus second day chatting on watsapp and u wan meet me.

I ofc reject la...somemre I am a shy person.

Then the nightmare is not over. He requested to call at nite. So I talk to him via call.

Then tot ok ends...but didn't expect the next day he wants to call again.

So endup is every night need to call eaother.

Omgggg....and worst thing is ask me play those win bid de game with him...and need do bank transfer .

Feel so insecure lo..

I am not used to everyday call someone and morning to lunch to dinner need msg to someone de person

I am mre of a independent kind of ppl..

So I just fake sick for ytd and tdy to avoid needing to call him and play the online bidding game wif him.

But the most frustrating thing is I am the culprit to do this thing to myself 

In my heart. I rly want to muster the courage to meet him and end this chatting relationship leyy. Too burdensome to me srsly

Lesson learnt never go start something that you yourself can't bear it. In the end the one who suffered the most is ourselves.

Deep night thoughts

Actually I had always wanted and prefer being alone n single.

But recently all..rly is every single one ard me is dating or married.

Makes me feel Abit lonely n also perplexed.

Why would ppl want to be dating when being single is so good.

I am really enjoying being single all the time.

It was always people who confess Ed to me and me rejecting them or after dating awhile I just intiated breakup as I rly find dating no fun.

I don't like reporting to anyone my whereabouts and my schedule for the day or sharing my feelings.

It has been tat way since I was born.

Even towards my family I don't share or talk to them everyday.

Meetups wif friends and colleagues are what I don't like not because I personally don't like them..

Just that I feel talking n chatting Abit tiring.

So normally I jus listen.

But these days I think I did tried hard to improve on this.

So I begin to meet people more, connect with people more.

I begin to envy ppl dating as they will have q more place to hide to when I dun wish to stay hm faced my dad after quarreling.

I had no problems speaking to guys till a certain point of time..that I dread talking with them...

Which is in secondary school.

I will always have this mindset of if I get too close with them, they might like me and I don't want things to get awkward because I dun like them..

Started to Google why I feel that way.

And I feel the below text seems to be what I felt most innerly.

I know that I don't love myself. And had always felt inferior to others. So that's why I find it hard to start a relationship.