Bye 2022

 

Finally last day of the year again.

Time to say bye to 2022.

I always had some liking to even numbers.

So personally like this figure 2022.

But this year had been a really rough one for me right from the start.

Being scammed right at the start of this year.

And almost get into big trouble.

Then had issues with my longtime friend

And ongoing family issue with my dad.

The only gd thing and major change in this year that I had was my career.

Cause my personal life had been so rough.

At least heavens decided to be kind to me at my career side.

Indulge myself in work to get my mind off my personal life.

Had a change of company in July.

When I had just promoted back in last dec.

And this month, I had confirm getting a great Annual Increment to my basic.

Salary rly skyrocket till the extent that I thought I am dreaming.

Mayb I shld work even harder to make this jump worthwhile.

As I feel given my capabilities now, is really not enough to bear the weight of the crown I am wearing.

So my resolve of the upcoming year.

Focus on work.

Be stronger

Following my plans of solo trip.

I hope to use this time to reset my mindset

And let go of things that I shldnt hold on to

And lastly to learn to love myself more

This year there are many times that I break down and cried so much

Infront of my friend, in front of my mum, in my office, at my room

That's when I start to realise

If a relationship is taking a toll on me,

I should stop myself contd sinking into this one-sided relationship

I will distance myself off 

And protect myself from hurting anymore.

I should not cry for people who dun even care about me.

I should only care for people who care for me and feels the same way about me.

I want to be a person's top choice whereby they are also my top choice as well.

Hwaiting 2023!

Heart control

Today had received my AI letter.

My first one after I join my this new company.

Ofc had a figure in mind that I expect to get the vry least 

As I am planning to see how much I get for AI as well as VB in Jan 

To do my figures to compare with my prev company to see if this company is worth staying for another year not

Or I should work here for a year and go for my next jump if the figures are below what I had expected.

End up the actual thing was tripled to wat I had expected.

Resulted my hands turning cold , heart missing their regular beats and start to doubt my eyes or was I given the wrong letter?

Cos by right this amount shld be prorated. Since I am less than 1 yr of svc

Rly doubt if my capabilities is being able to uphold this new salary figure I am getting not.

Feel stressed and started to think alot and feel anxious throughout the nite

But now that I settle down and sort out my thoughts, I came to a conclusion

I must be feeling this way as everything come to fast. Within a yr, there was a huge jump from whatever salary I am paid for the past 3 yrs. Then suddenly the figure keep increase and make me feel unreal and overwhelmed

Really lucky and I really need to work hard to make me deserve my current pay srsly.

Thank you to God, heaven, ghost, spirits, people, everything for blessing me this great salary.

Really appreciate and will work even harder!

开心的定义

这些日子有点茫然

因为笑多了

有点迷失了开心的的定义

职场上难免需要配合应付应酬

常常明明不好笑的事情

还是得哈哈哈大笑起来给同事看

为了职场生存 为了让你有好人缘

为了让工作顺利

这都是得牺牲的

我明明大笑着 但是内心却是想着 你能不能别老是来和我讲话呀

我想一个人静静做我的工

也没想和谁聊天

对你讲的话题也其实不感兴趣

你讲的话题其实也一点都不好笑

但是还是得配合

然后继续和同事硬聊下去

日子久了

会发现就算是笑了 也并不会让我感到开心幸福

反而笑着 其实让我感到很累

所以往往回到家时

大多数时间都是面无表情 也不说话

因为那是我唯一 能斯下面具 当回真正的我

就连看综艺 我也实在是笑不出

因为笑怕了

我也不知道 何时幸福和开心已悄悄的离我而去

我很想回到以前 

真正的因为开心的事 而大笑

因为真的觉得事情好笑 才大笑

为什么

以前对我来说

最简单基本的事 

现在却成了一个难关。。。

Wang Dae Bak feast

Was invited to a advance Christmas plus catch-up dinner with a manager who resigned not long ago

It has been half a year since I joined my current company 

Really glad that I am surviving well and coping well with the culture, work there.

 Not to forget to mention the food was pretty good and taste even better as it was my managers treat

7pm all the way till 11pm then I reach home

And not to mention

I am still required to go back office work tml

Hwaiting!

态度的问题

今天又发生了 我和我妈妈的对峙

然后因为没有了述说的朋友了

我只能告诉我哥

和写在这里了

以下是事情的经过:

真的是态度的问题

一个人如果态度不对

真的很不ok

就算是长辈也要说出来

他们哪做错了

我今天真的是大发雷霆

地和我妈妈对峙这件事

况且又不是第一次了

真的很无奈

Really Advance Surprise

Was sitting in my room when they came in with this 2 big bag saying for for my advance bdae present

Reason being this is is the last time we see each other in Dec.

As my saosao and my bro is not coming back to our hse during whole Dec.

Then January they bz also only left till cny which my dad will be present as well

So they can't find a chance to give me alone.

Then Feb I am going to Korea.

So it will be belated gift if they dun give me today.

Shocked by the amount and the size of my present

Really it is increasing in size year by year

This is already like Santa's Claus uncle just arrive at my house earlier

Then as I was busying eyeing my present and staring at all of it in awe

My saosao said this is handmade

And spend around a hour or so

Really thankful for her.

As I had only mention I like stitch once during earlier of this year.

And she happen to be a stitch fan

And like doing diy stiff

So made me this

I really like handmade stuff and handwritten cards

As my birthday gift

Cos ppl might be willing to spend money but not time on you

As time is money these days.

This generation ppl all rather throw money then to spend any single minute on you

Also handmade n handwritten cards rly will stay long in my memory

When I am reading it many years later.

Unlike other gift, I can finished eating or using and thrown it away after wear and tear and will totally forget Abt it and the person who gifted it already.

Can say that I am a sentimental person I guess.

I prefer cards than expensive brands present

As nowadays, genuine heart and feelings are hard to find.

Seriously thankful to my saosao n my brother.

As these days, I am abit strained mentally

But all this unexpected surprise made my day

 

Dinner at Shaburi Kintan buffet

met up for advanced Christmas dinner with my jelly face penelope

Had a fulfilling time chatting and eating for 2hours

And as usual, this lady rly vry thoughtful preparing customized and ex gift to ppl ard her

Making me this type of not used to preparing gift for every season or holidays de person embarrassed once again

No wonder she kept asking me is the dinner for early Christmas since few days ago

I was like why she so persistent on this

Be it Christmas or what, we are jus having dinner mah, the purpose impt meh?

Really forget she is always gifting me gift for every holidays the past 3 yr me being a colleague to her.

Cos in my mind I was jus thinking of treating her a meal for her belated bdae.

As previously we met wif another acquaintance fr bbq dinner, so I can't treat her as I nv intend to celebrate the birthday if that acquaintance

Knowing that I like drink tea

And cos I went for my booster shot

Arms aching like mad

She bought me tea which calms down inflammation, and relax your muscles and good for body ache.

And on top of it, she even went to bought the whole tea set for me.

 Really thankful to her as always.

She feels like my unnie really

Makes me feel better after today's conversation with my that friend earlier on

Which made me teared at office while reading and replying to her msg.

Just when..when can I stop crying for my that friend.

It is not like we are in a relationship and she is my boyfriend.

我为何要那么较真，那么执着呢?

Words that I can't say out

Had another deep conversation with the friend that I cherished alot

That I thought previously she will be by my side at least for few years more.

I told her to go settle her family issues and mind issues before we meet to talk it all out.

Over the past year, all the emotions I felt 

Behind her back 

And we promised to meet each other again after we both get stronger.

But there is one sentence that she said makes me feel so sad.

She said that she felt I am distancing myself frm her.

I thought I had hide it well enough.

But I guess not.

And I can't seem to reply her on that

But the truth is chingguya I did it cause I just wanted to protect myself from getting hurt. So I think I need to take a break from you till i find a way for myself to be happy even after u leave me all alone.

That's the answer to why I am distancing myself from you.

Why dating is better

Seeing hyunah and hyojong breakup new made the headlines since ytd.

Really what makes dating Soo much better than marriage is.

Jus a simple sentence we broke up and all ends.

Marriage you have to answer to all your families and meet up wif lawyers to settle divorce procedures and alimony and to split the shared properties and if have kids, the worst headache. 

Break up is just 2 person.

Divorce is rly involves deep connections to clear and many parties will be affected also.

That's y I rather date then marriage.

That's too much more to bear.

Solo trip

Really..my birthday wish every yr was for myself to be more brave.

I had a personal bucket list

Which I am checking the items one by one each year.

One of my second last item on the list was a solo trip to any country.

As I had always had the trouble even to eat alone in restaurants or be alone shopping or having movie alone in Singapore.

I am very shy and introvert.

But I had know that everyone will leave me one day and I will always be left alone in the end.

So I am preparing myself day by day to be braver so that I can survive and enjoy life even when I am left all alone.

Bt didn't know the day of my solo trip had actually come so fast.

This decision is a rly crazy one.

And today I had purchased the airtickets already.

Really I am not sure how I will survive alone in a foreign country, and let alone saying enjoy my trip.

But at least fr now, I am mre excited than anything 

Hwaiting! 

I hope to see myself maturing and be a braver person.

The best thing is next year birthday, I will not spend in in Singapore le yay!!

After 2 birthdays. Woottss

Breakups? So what

Recently my friend was sharing with me her breakup with her bf.

But I actually do envy her.

I wanted to also have a relationship that ends with breakup.

Since I dun wish to get married either

So.. isn't it nice to break up and have memories of having dating back then?

Then suddenly think why am I so twisted.

This is a not good thing for my friend.

So I shld stop thinking about myself.

I shld try my best to console her as she had wanted to get marry. So breakup is actually heartbreaking for her.

But sometimes I jus wonderwhy do ppl wanted to try so hard to get marry.

That is like the start of your doom life.

Or you can call it as the end of the freedom to be yourself.

Everything you do, you will have to think of your family your kid first. 

We have to live for them before we can have the time to think Abt ourselves.

What we rly like.

Our kids' likes become our like

Our kids' dun like become our dun like

Our kids' dream become our dream

I don't wanna lose the me now. The real me.

I know this is selfish. But life is short and vulnerable.

I jus wanted to be happy living my life.

Doing what I want.

For who knows when heaven are going to claim back our lives.

Weird dream

This is my first time dreaming this kind of scenario 

Of course out of those that I had actually remembered after I am awake.

Me being informed that I am pregnant

When I am single and not even married.

And I had sex with 2 guys recently.

Days not too far apart from each other

So I am not sure who is the dad of my child

One is the guy I hope to be the child of and the other is not.

But I can't rmb who is the 2 guys identity

And the worst thing is I had NEVER once thought of giving birth and being a mum in my life up till now.

But instead of complaining and being scared out of my wits

Strangely, in my dream, I am calm.

And didn't say anything as deep inside I scare my child will hear what I said and be sad

A mother instinct too early fr me in this stage

And I felt like wats done cannot be undone

So if I plan to abort, will it affect my health?

What if in the long distant future shld I change my mind and want to be a mum, will it affect my conceived chances?

If I can't bear to abort. And intend to give birth

My figure and my body all gone. 

Will I be able to accept my body and figure by then?

And I dunno even know which out of the 2 are the father.

I dun wan get marry.

But still in the end I am mre inclined towards giving birth and see how.

When I woke up at first I can't rmb any of it.

But it was in the afternoon when this piece of memory started to come back and the feeling in my heart seem so real. 

And I faster told my mum about it.

This is like the weirdest dream after the one I dream previously of my friend died and I didn't see her last moments at all.

Faster went to search online for this dream meaning

Alot seems to say is there is going to be a change in my career or life smthing gd.

Blah blah.

Bt I cant shake off the warm feeling in my heart when I am being told I am pregnant sia.

I tot I hated to give birth. 

But when I find out I am pregnant, I feel like instantly I matured and face it bravely and calmly.

So mayb cos I am too stressed up planning n preparing for my Korea trip in Feb nex yr.

And work these days hen stress.

A Familiar Stranger

Had a deep talk with my friend 

Over what I felt after she always ignore my msg.

And we had talk it out after that.

So today was the first time we finally match our schedules to meetup dinner.

But it shld be only me.

But I felt the distance between us.

Glad that there is a presence of another friend who joined us last minute dinner.

Didn't rly manage to touch on the sensitive topic or update on her life.

Jus smth superficial on my other friend life and joking ard.

However, the feeling of the distance is real.

Had I already lost the 3rd and my final friend that was once so close wif me?

My pride is keeping me from saying what's on my mind. My honest thoughts

For the fear of quickening the distance bet us 2.

So in the end, I am really alone.

The end had came faster than what I had expected.

I guess I had to move on.

And quickly accept the fact that I had lost u.

And I am no longer needed by u.

Another marriage attended

It was never in my thoughts that after my graduation in poly that I will still be in contact with my poly friends back in 2013.

But all of us in my clique excluding a problematic girl.

Managed to keep in touch

And make effort to meetup for dinner or lunch every now and then.

It was like after the fifth year then make me think of rly cherishing our friendship 

As it is hard to have real friends in the work field to start with 

We can meet 1-2times in a year

And our chatroom might only be active few times in a year.

But it is amazing that us four hearts are still there.

And today is the wedding of one of them rongg

The smartest of our poly clique

And the one that likes Elmo alot

Always gg ard the poly wif a Elmo hang on her bagpack during those 3yrs in poly

Rong, congratulations!

It was rly great to see you getting married and being so blissful

The next one is the guy beside me in the second pic HY

Wedding ceremony in end Feb

The wedding dinner take place at 6.30pm and started in only 8pm

And the whole dinner ended in 10.15pm

And this guy straight Sunday morning 5am need go woodlands checkpoint for his wedding photo shoot

Poor thing ahabab

The last one is Junhe who returned to china this February

Being the oldest in our grp

Hope she will get marry soon

And china will open up for tourist.

And we can go attend

Once again, congratulations rongrong!

 

Guiga Korean BBQ Date

It was jus a sentence to share my happiness

After my 3rd mth working in new company

So my ex colleagues suggest to have a dinner date

So we decide to meet up in Tanjong Pagar for a Korea bbq on last Thursday nite

Met up at ard 6.40pm after we all end work and then ordered, ate, gossipping

Till suddenly the waiter came up wif a bill to us

We was like why he does tat when we haven wanted to go off

Then after looking ard our surroundings are empty and we are the second last customers 

And time check 10.10pm lol!!

First time in a while since I had such a lonnnggg dinner session with anyone

And tml is still a working day

So we endup faster paying fr the bills and grab home

Promising ea other for a nice catch up session few mths down again

Went to a restaurant named Guiga

Their price was reasonable and kimchi soup is still vry nice 👍

 

Be The Sun in Singapore

 

2 days before the concert

After 4years SVT is back to SG

Yayyy

Be The Sun Asia tour stop

On plane frm ICN to SG selfie

My bias Jeonghan and myungho

Soundcheck party before the con

Though mingyu is nt my bias,

But he look stunning in the photo with the backlight

12,500 attendees on that day

Pretty carat bongs

Ending bow

Though I can't go, but saw some clips here and there frm those went.

It was cool.

Luckily I didn't manage to get the tickets or when mth end my bill come my wallet will have a hole ahabhaab

Meitu app

Had some time at home while I am on isolation at home when I am tested positive.

Played with the meitu app 

If only I look this pretty, ahahahah

Can't believe that my face can Photoshop till so pretty.

Look a idol trainee totally

 Bunny effects that will nv go wrong

So cutee ahahah

Time always flies so fast during last quarter of the yr.

Now is already mid October. 

And the highlight for this mth 

Is attending my poly friend wedding

First one out of my poly clique to get married.

Wootsss

And next highlights of this month is my confirmation!

Seems like ytd that I am busy gg interviews 

And resign 

And starting work

Getting used to my new workplace

And next week 18th will be my 3rd mth officially

A pity that I can't go on a trip this Dec after borders finally opened as my only trip buddy is too bz and cannot take leave.

So sad.

That I can only try to clear my excess leave and brought the balance till next yr.

Actually tot of gg on a stayca by myself in Dec

But the hotel prices are so ex now that tourism starting kicking up

I rather save n spend this money on my trip nex yr.

Hopefully I will be able to go in Jan or Feb that my trip buddy promised me.

If not I rly intend to go alone sia.

Dunno if I dare a not. But I rly cannot wait till next Dec before I go for my nex trip leyy..

Alr waited 2 yrs le.

Nv go overseas.

Hiax..

If only I had alot of travel buddies. Why all get marry so early de my friends

No fun.