Solo trip

Really..my birthday wish every yr was for myself to be more brave.

I had a personal bucket list

Which I am checking the items one by one each year.

One of my second last item on the list was a solo trip to any country.

As I had always had the trouble even to eat alone in restaurants or be alone shopping or having movie alone in Singapore.

I am very shy and introvert.

But I had know that everyone will leave me one day and I will always be left alone in the end.

So I am preparing myself day by day to be braver so that I can survive and enjoy life even when I am left all alone.

Bt didn't know the day of my solo trip had actually come so fast.

This decision is a rly crazy one.

And today I had purchased the airtickets already.

Really I am not sure how I will survive alone in a foreign country, and let alone saying enjoy my trip.

But at least fr now, I am mre excited than anything 

Hwaiting! 

I hope to see myself maturing and be a braver person.

The best thing is next year birthday, I will not spend in in Singapore le yay!!

After 2 birthdays. Woottss

Breakups? So what

Recently my friend was sharing with me her breakup with her bf.

But I actually do envy her.

I wanted to also have a relationship that ends with breakup.

Since I dun wish to get married either

So.. isn't it nice to break up and have memories of having dating back then?

Then suddenly think why am I so twisted.

This is a not good thing for my friend.

So I shld stop thinking about myself.

I shld try my best to console her as she had wanted to get marry. So breakup is actually heartbreaking for her.

But sometimes I jus wonderwhy do ppl wanted to try so hard to get marry.

That is like the start of your doom life.

Or you can call it as the end of the freedom to be yourself.

Everything you do, you will have to think of your family your kid first. 

We have to live for them before we can have the time to think Abt ourselves.

What we rly like.

Our kids' likes become our like

Our kids' dun like become our dun like

Our kids' dream become our dream

I don't wanna lose the me now. The real me.

I know this is selfish. But life is short and vulnerable.

I jus wanted to be happy living my life.

Doing what I want.

For who knows when heaven are going to claim back our lives.

Weird dream

This is my first time dreaming this kind of scenario 

Of course out of those that I had actually remembered after I am awake.

Me being informed that I am pregnant

When I am single and not even married.

And I had sex with 2 guys recently.

Days not too far apart from each other

So I am not sure who is the dad of my child

One is the guy I hope to be the child of and the other is not.

But I can't rmb who is the 2 guys identity

And the worst thing is I had NEVER once thought of giving birth and being a mum in my life up till now.

But instead of complaining and being scared out of my wits

Strangely, in my dream, I am calm.

And didn't say anything as deep inside I scare my child will hear what I said and be sad

A mother instinct too early fr me in this stage

And I felt like wats done cannot be undone

So if I plan to abort, will it affect my health?

What if in the long distant future shld I change my mind and want to be a mum, will it affect my conceived chances?

If I can't bear to abort. And intend to give birth

My figure and my body all gone. 

Will I be able to accept my body and figure by then?

And I dunno even know which out of the 2 are the father.

I dun wan get marry.

But still in the end I am mre inclined towards giving birth and see how.

When I woke up at first I can't rmb any of it.

But it was in the afternoon when this piece of memory started to come back and the feeling in my heart seem so real. 

And I faster told my mum about it.

This is like the weirdest dream after the one I dream previously of my friend died and I didn't see her last moments at all.

Faster went to search online for this dream meaning

Alot seems to say is there is going to be a change in my career or life smthing gd.

Blah blah.

Bt I cant shake off the warm feeling in my heart when I am being told I am pregnant sia.

I tot I hated to give birth. 

But when I find out I am pregnant, I feel like instantly I matured and face it bravely and calmly.

So mayb cos I am too stressed up planning n preparing for my Korea trip in Feb nex yr.

And work these days hen stress.

A Familiar Stranger

Had a deep talk with my friend 

Over what I felt after she always ignore my msg.

And we had talk it out after that.

So today was the first time we finally match our schedules to meetup dinner.

But it shld be only me.

But I felt the distance between us.

Glad that there is a presence of another friend who joined us last minute dinner.

Didn't rly manage to touch on the sensitive topic or update on her life.

Jus smth superficial on my other friend life and joking ard.

However, the feeling of the distance is real.

Had I already lost the 3rd and my final friend that was once so close wif me?

My pride is keeping me from saying what's on my mind. My honest thoughts

For the fear of quickening the distance bet us 2.

So in the end, I am really alone.

The end had came faster than what I had expected.

I guess I had to move on.

And quickly accept the fact that I had lost u.

And I am no longer needed by u.