Cannot Believe it.

Jus learnt yesterday that it was my neighbour uncle who had commit suicide on 16jan.

Cnnt believe it

As i can rmb seeing him walking by the corridor and talking to my other neighbours jus afew days ago

My dad and bro got talk to him sometimes de. but me dun have.

Feel apologetic. I can still rmb how he and his wife moved in and he go water his plants along the corridor.

I dk why..yest maybe got home late frm sch and tired then cant seem to managed my emotions and tears jus kip falling.

I always had suicidal thoughts in these three yrs that I studied in poly when I felt stressed or things are not going the way i had wanted.

And I forget the happy me in the past.

However,I am afraid of pain and think of many ways of suicide methods to see which one is the most instant and cant feel any pain or fear. But I realise something today.

I came into conclusion today: if I am still afraid of committing suicide,that means i still can coped wif my life. as death is scarier than living. One day, if i am no longer afraid of dying, then it means living is scarier than dying. and maybe at that time, I would chose to die.