Random thoughts

Recently one of my longtime friend gave birth. As she is covid positive

She needs to be alone at hospital isolated and give birth alone.

Rly makes me feel so sad for her.

As it was her first birth and I can imagine how scare she would be when she is all alone for that few days.

So proud of her that she went through it bravely and everything was fine and her baby was tested negative.

Really feel like all my same aged friends rly have all matured and grown into fine mums and adults not like me.

3 of my longtime friend from secondary school days are married. 2 are mums now.

And the remaining one is attached.

Only me left in the clique still the same as I am back in secondary schools days.

Mayb bank account balance much better than back in that time? But only that.

I sometimes look at the couples around me and my friends.

And I look at myself.

Am I rly so inferior to them all?

Do I really look that bad?

Do my character rly makes ppl hard to approach or like me?

But I guess is cos my standard is jus too high for my looks and figure.

Actually I love being single.

Jus that sometimes when I watch too much other couples videos and seeing my friends all happily dating and getting married.

Will make me think why no one like me all these years? 

When I go to a fortune teller, he even told me actually in my twenties, I had alot of guys like me. But actually is no totally 

Felt disappointed. But quite irony is that...I like being single and dun wan give birth or get marry.

Rly have a hard time understand what I actually wants.

So earlier back in Jan..I tried to prove my self worth and end up losing myself and my money .

I hope I rly can come out of this loop soon and be really truly happy myself