Depressed night

Though it maybe be unintentional by my brother jus now..

I was cheered up by him..

Truthfully tonite was abit hard on me..

Was attempting some poa qns when i realised i dunno hw to do at all..

Rly received alot negative feelings n thoughts in me once agn.

Feeling rly sucks..so i went to blast upbeat songs in my room..

Only to realise tears falls even still 

Suicidal thoughts once agn came to fill up my head...

Cos i am too depressed..

There simply too much papers n materials to study..

Far too much to memo 

Far too much to read 

Far too much fr me to withstand

N exams in march then may

Talking to a friend make me think of all this once agm..

Initially..i..am ok..listwning to music..

Bt suddenly tears jus came falling..

Then jus now my bro jus pass by n say wah..

Meimei is studying leyy..

Seeing her reminds me last time..

Then i say get lost la!

Then i sighed aiya! Shit! then he came in

Qhy whywhy? Can i hlp u wif anything..? In a joking manner..

Then i suddenly blurted out..

Then u want hlp me die? Since i want to.

Then we both looked at ea other before we start laughing ahahah..

Was depressed bt thinking wat absurd thing i said

I jus suddenly found back my smile..

Though he may not know i am rly depressed...

And thought i am joking once agn..

Thankful to him.

And.. felt apologetic to yh..

Fr saying things like i may disappear this yr..

Shldnt say out such things

Rly immature of me fr not controling my mind well..

Not like i am a kid anymre

Unhappy jiu wailed out everything...

Must learnt to keep n control my emotions well

Anyway anyway...

Jus want to record wat is my feelings tdy..

Still moving on once agn.